An open letter to Damon Lindelof about the “Watchmen” remix/ adaptation

Damon, I know the show is already made, but read this anyway.

When I first heard you were adapting “Watchmen” as a miniseries I thought it was a match made in heaven, too good to be true, the thing legends are made of. It’s obvious you can deliver the goods, both “Lost” and “The Leftovers” were engaging, the characters were complex and interesting, the stories were masterfully told and left you wanting more. Until the terrible-terrible endings that devalued both shows, that is. Two of the worst finales in television history under your belt, that’s not easy to accomplish.

But maybe by having under the hood a story as precise as a swiss watch your talents could really shine through and this time your team could finally cross the finish line. Perhaps this was going to be the crowning achievement of your career, your classic album, the work that makes all the others look better.

When I first heard you were adapting one of the most thought out texts in recent history, a work with tiny moving parts that fit perfectly, a tour de force in which every piece affects the whole in incredible ways, I thought you might just be the right person to attempt the impossible. Because it’s not a myth, there are compelling reasons why “Watchmen” is unadaptable to the screen, but maybe…

And then, your letter arrived and the card castle collapsed. After four pages of well-written-nothing, you announced:

This story will be set in the world its creators painstakingly built…but in the tradition of the work that inspired it, this new story must be original. It has to vibrate with the seismic unpredictability of its own tectonic plates. It must ask new questions and explore the world through a fresh lens. Most importantly, it must be contemporary. 

No it must not. No it has not. No it must not. No it must not.

Are you insane? You’re not a good enough writer to continue where Alan Moore left off. No one is. Not even the man himself would attempt to follow that act. I mean, I know some extremely loyal DC employees have already taken a shot and failed, but in general, no sane person would bite that bullet. In all other comics it’s fair game, but “Watchmen” is literature of the highest caliber. You’re going to be perceived in the same light as the loser who’s continuing Stieg Larsson’s Millennium series or the genius who made that second “American Psycho” movie.

Anyway, back to your letter. You apparently have read “Watchmen” several times, probably more than a lot of the fans, surely more than me, and you have this to say?

Ozymandias saved the world

Pffff, give me a break. Your reading comprehension leaves a lot to be desired my friend, this is way way way off. I hate to break it to you, but the “Tales of the Black Freighter” comic parallels Ozymandias twisted-twisted mind, it’s a way to explain how did he get to be so crazy and murderous after starting out with the best of intentions. You sound as clueless as the Wachowski sisters, who thought the V character was the hero in “V for Vendetta”.

I’ll give you this, the letter ends in a high note:

Endings. I’m GREAT at them

Chapeau for that one, pretty funny line.

Look Damon, I’m not going to lie: I’ll be watching. And I want to be wrong about this, believe it or not. Just the fact that “Watchmen” is an HBO production guarantees a superior level and a slick look, but the idea behind this is so terrible that only a tight-tight-tight script could shut the critical voices of the very passionate fans this graphic novel has.

Are you and your team capable of this?

Only time will tell.

But probably not.

WatchmenAndMe

Who watches the Watchmen? Me.

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